I have not used this blog in a while - blah, blah, blah! Today is a new day, and I feel like writing so here it goes.
I have been having a great couple of weeks. Though I have been a Christian since I was five, and then recommitted my life when I was 15 there has been a Jesus-drought in my life in the last couple years. Dont' get me wrong, my beliefs did not change, I was just less enthusiastic about participating in religion than I once was. I blame some of this on my struggle with depression. Depression saps the goodness out of your life and takes away the things you once enjoyed, and for a long time, that included my relationship with God.
But today is a new day, and I truly feel that God has been on the move in my life in the last couple weeks. It started with an amazing conversation/evening with my mom, and has continued from there. I have been feeling the Holy Spirit at work in my life, and it is incredibly exciting!
On Sunday I went to church for the first time in a few months, I mean when God starts doing a work in you, you should try and keep that momentum going right? I decided to go to a church in Baltimore, that I have heard about over the past few years. It was not as riviting an experience as I had hoped. The worship was too short, and the message was quite confusing and made no sense. The topic of Gentleness as a fruit of the spirit was easy enough to understand, but then the pastor combined that topic with the importance of the Trinity and that is where things started to go south.
I left church feeling a little discouraged. I mean, God has been doing stuff, and he was encouraging me, and teaching me and I was feeling all spiritual and whatnot - so why was church such a bore? I felt a little let down by God, since I was hoping for some marvelous, annointed sermon that was going to speak right to my heart, and all I got was a monotone, stuttering pastor who used chairs to illustrate the Trinity. "Oh well," I thought, better luck next week, when I go to a different church.
And then something funny happened *pause for drama here*
Christians knocked on my door last night. I had filled out the visitor card on Sunday and placed it in the offering, and the church has a program where they go out an visit all new people to the church and offer support and encouragement and information about the church and its programs. I was totally unprepared for this visit, and was deep in lounging mode when they showed up. Hair was a mess, shirt and sweats did not match, glasses on, mascara smudged from taking out my lenses - I looked kinda rough! But I answered the door anyway.
Three middle-aged people were in the hall, and they told me all the normal stuff; "thanks for coming on Sunday", "we want you to come back", "do you have any questions?" Then they asked if I had any prayer requests. At first I could not think of anything that I wanted three strangers standing outside my apartment to pray for, but then, it became obvious what I wanted prayer for.
I told them I am 29 and single and while I am content in my life, I am still waiting for God to bring a partner into my life. Two of the three Christians immediately stated that they understand how I feel because one did not get married until he was 35 and the other was 36 when she got married. They said they understood what it was like to have to wait longer than most people. Then they offered to pray. So there in the hallway of my apartment building they lifted up my greatest desire to God. I teared up a little, hugged the lady who prayed and thanked them for stopping by.
When I went back inside the first thought that came to me was "what do you think it means when God sends people to your house to pray for your biggest need?" I think it means that God is much, much bigger than we give him credit for, and that he is listening even when I feel like my needs/wants are being ignored.
1 Corinthians 7:17, The Message.
And don't be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life.
So I will continue to draw close to God, and seek his wisdom right now. I do not really know what God is up to, but I am delighted to be a part of it and its changing me in an amazing way.
Until next time,
Lindsay
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